Comrade Chairperson Hillary's Healthcare Highwaymen

Knock, knock, knock.
Shuffling noises inside, door opens.
Mr. Workerbee, “Hi, can I help you?”
Agent #1, “Good morning and greetings from your federal government wealthy contributor.”
Mr. W., “Well, I don’t know about the wealthy part. I work for Home Depot, my wife is a school teacher and we have four children. And why are you wearing sidearms?”
Agent #2, “Pay no attention to the guns, they are for your protection citizen. Now trust me, you are wealthy. We are here to collect your contribution for your neighbor’s hip replacement. Mrs. Hap E. Retiree down the street is tired of maneuvering her government-supplied Hoveround power chair around the Cripple Creek casinos and would like a new hip. Could you please get your checkbook.”
Mr. W., “Wait a minute. Why should I pay for her hip replacement? I have four hungry kids to feed. If I contribute to her surgery that’s less milk that I can buy for my family.”
Agent #1, “No problem. When we talk to her we will collect voluntary federal milk program contribution. But I am troubled by your lack of compassion for fellow American.”
Mr. W., “Why can’t she buy private health insurance to cover these things? People who want to participate pay premiums and in return they get benefits. If you don’t want to pay you don’t have to, and you don’t get the benefits either. You take care of your own health needs. It’s a voluntary choice.”
Agent #2, “Sir, you try our patience. If Mrs. Retiree had to pay premiums herself she would have less money to double-down on split 10’s. You have no respect for our venerable senior citizens.”
Mr. W., “Where does the constitutional authority for this program come from?”
Agent #1, “Um, er it comes from the, um new healthcare amendment.”
Mr. W., “I don’t recall hearing of any such amendment.”
Agent #2, “It’s the Smith & Wesson Amendment. You ask too many questions. Now write the check or we go talk to your employer.”
Sounds of hurried scribbling of pen on paper with sound of cold steel locking and loading in background.
Agent #1, (smiling broadly) “Your government and neighbor thank you for your compassionate voluntary contribution. Now please get to work. I will be needing colonoscopy soon.”
Door slams.