Belly Up To The Bar

To the Congress of the United States of America,
I would like to formally apply for a $1,000,000.00 personal bailout. This amounts to only 0.000013513% of the total $7.4 trillion committed federal bailout money to date. This bailout will allow me to stabilize my personal finances and remain solvent while I continue to make my mortgage and other debt payments. That in turn will help prevent these institutions from going under and requiring further federal assistance. In addition I will be able to continue my federal income tax payments to fund your $7.4 trillion bailout of these institutions.
God Bless America!